Having just caught the tail end of Dancer in the Dark starring Bjork, I am reminded of my own experience of hangings.

For me, black humour surrounds my dealing with victims of hanging. The alternative is to become maudlin and eventually unable to do your job or even to live a normal life. Our job is to confirm the victim is dead (by touch) or to work on them as a possible survivor. I greatly prefer the latter option because it is far less ugly. I touch dead people a lot, though not through choice but because I have to to do my job. But hanging are ugly and I hate touching them, confirming no pulse and rigor mortis. I imagine hangings are also exceptionally painful if the victim fails to break their neck since pressure on the blood vessels, nerves and tendons of the neck is extremely painful. I know this from marshal arts. I get strangled and choked alot.

I went to one a little while ago. A lonely old man had had enough. I was confused in my feelings. Was he brave for doing something which might ultimately take a lot of courage to actually do or was he a coward for failing to face the trials of life a little longer? I don't really want to go into the ins and outs of why people kill themselves. I don't know enough about it. But this person had done their best to smooth the way for the relatives. Paperwork regarding financial matters, wills etc, were left in a clearly marked and carefully ordered folder. No mess had been left.

Despite these preparations, the man's family still had to find him hanging at the top of the stairs, with puffed and blotched face, tongue lolling and swollen, eyeballs bulging. After cutting him down we had to leave the building. He'd been hanging with the heating on for 48 hours and the smell was unbelievable...

When we first arrived on scene, we were closely followed by relatives. Before we had time to cut him down (once the police had inspected the scene) a relative entered the front door, directly below the gruesome sight. I did my best to shield the victim from view and direct the relative into another room, but it was hopeless. It was distressing obviously.

I am making this point not because I have some sick fascination with it but because I want to make it clear to everyone that this is often not a beautiful or pain free way to go and it is a horrific thing for a friend, relative or even hardened emergency services personnel to have to find. Good clerical arrangements are hardly a trade for giving such an unforgettable shock. There are people like the Samaritans who can help a person to see an alternative to suicide.

But some people are determined. I once went to a woman who habitually tried to kill herself but generally without success. This time she managed it. As my boss pointed out (a la Austin Powers) she got the hang of it in the end!